I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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