So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
