i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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