just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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