Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
