there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
