my vag is so smooth its legendary
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
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But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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