my vag is so smooth its legendary
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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