is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just had sex bonerless
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
