Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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