I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
