I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
