shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
