He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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