woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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