I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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