I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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