Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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