just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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