guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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