Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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