i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
