You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize