i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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