Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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