Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
