we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
