She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
