I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
