you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
