If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
