This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
