Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
