I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
