1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
