I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
