How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
