Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
