Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
