had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
