currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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