My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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