Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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