time to smoke my breakfast
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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