I hate your face
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So much rum. So many feels.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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