She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
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81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.