how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me