all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.