Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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