I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight