so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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