i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
