Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
