i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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