The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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