if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
