i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
