I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
