I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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