beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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