Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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