turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
