You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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