dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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