I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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