Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize